Thank you for your continued support as I share my story. If you missed Part 1, click here for the link to that post.
In the days that followed, we shifted between feeling numb to completely breaking down and sobbing. I questioned everything about what happened and about myself. This utterly gutted me and shook me to my core.
- Did I do everything I could?
- Was I a good mom?
- Did I miss something?
- How could this be real?
- Why didn’t he feel he could come to us again?
- Why did my son choose this path?
It has taken some time, but through ongoing counseling and grief-focused books, I have been able to sort through some of these questions. It doesn’t mean I have all the answers, but I have been able to come to terms with those that I can address.
The one thing that I can say is depression should be taken seriously. For the person going through this, it can feel like a hood slowly being pulled over their head, and the light starts to dim until they are in complete darkness. They may start to pull back and isolate. They could stop hanging out with friends, and may sleep more. They might make comments about not being here in the future and may cancel or stop making future plans. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides some more information on warning signs and behaviors to watch. Take note of these and don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions.
According to the CDC, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death – yes 10th. On average, there are 130 suicides per day in the U.S. and roughly 70% of all suicides are white males (CDC, 2021). Do not assume your friend or family member will come to you and share they are struggling. Reach out and ask them. Just one check-in could make all the difference in getting them help early and save their life. Mental health needs to be as important as our physical health. Whether you take medication for your heart or for depression, they are vital for your life.
Once we were able to gather a solid thought, we reached out to Jim’s resources for counseling recommendations. All of us started individual counseling with a focus on EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This type of therapy helps people who have gone through trauma, including those who serve or have served in our military. I knew I would have to revisit that day, and honestly, I was dreading it. After several sessions, I have found it to be very beneficial towards my healing process and continue to work through this therapy on a weekly basis.
Another part of my therapy is writing letters to Drew. Either daily or at least every other day, I write a letter to Drew and share my thoughts, my struggles, things he is missing, and some days my complete meltdowns. It is my way of keeping him close, while also working through my grief. Some days are better than others, but the holidays and special events have been the hardest. I always end my letter with the same thing – You are missed beyond measure and loved with all of my heart!
While I cannot make sense of what happened, I had to find a way to make a positive impact and potentially prevent another family from going through what we have. I started to do some research with a focus on suicide prevention. That’s when I found the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and noticed they were part of the foundations listed for the Chicago Marathon and other major races. Since Drew and I loved to run, and we ran several races here in Virginia Beach, I knew I was being lead to sign up. I’ll admit that 26.2 miles has me nervous, but I also feel a sense of peace. I’ll be running the Chicago Marathon on Sunday, October 9, 2022. In signing up, I have met other survivors, and we share a special bond. These runs are healing miles for us.
Losing a child was not something I ever thought I would experience – I don’t think any parent does. It is an unimaginable pain that only those who have lost a child can truly understand. All your dreams, wishes, and hopes are dashed, and you are left with such emptiness. The pain NEVER goes away. It just ebbs and flows with some days being tolerable and others completely devastating. We just take it day-to-day and do the best we can. While these past months have been the most difficult of our lives, our family is strong, and we will continue to support each other as we walk through this journey of healing.
If you or someone you love is in crisis, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
☎️ Call 800-273-8255 (Veterans, press 1)
📱 Text TALK to 741741 (Veterans, text 838255)
Additional Resources:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) – Get Help
Much love and thanks,
Karen
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021, September 27). Leading causes of death and injury – pdfs|injury Center|CDC. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved January 16, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/LeadingCauses.html
