Grief is a powerful, life-altering experience. For women navigating menopause, the emotional and physical impact of loss can feel even more overwhelming. In 2021, we lost our son, Drew, so I know this reality all too well. His absence is something I carry daily, but when important dates come around—his birthday, the day we lost him, or milestones he should be here for—the weight of grief intensifies.
And in menopause, when hormones are already fluctuating and our resilience feels thinner, grief can hit the body in even deeper ways. As the anniversary of losing him approaches, I feel it’s important to share how grief continues to impact me—in the hope that it may help others walking through their own loss.
How Grief Impacts Hormones
Grief elevates stress and disrupts the body's delicate hormonal rhythms. Recent findings show that during perimenopause and menopause, declines in estrogen leave our stress regulation systems more vulnerable. This leads to cortisol dysregulation, which can worsen traditional menopause symptoms.
These shifts make us more vulnerable to anxiety, irritability, and mood instability—and when grief is layered on top, those fluctuations can feel earth-shattering (Gordon et al., 2016).
The Emotional Toll of Grief in Midlife
Every day, I carry the space where Drew should be—his smile, his milestones, his future. Most days, that grief is a quiet undercurrent. But when his birthday or other significant dates arrive, grief resurfaces as a tidal wave—rushing through me with such intensity.
During these difficult times, sleep becomes elusive, thoughts scatter, and anxiety increases throughout my body. And with the dropping and fluctuating estrogen of menopause, grief doesn’t just cut deep—it shakes my hormonal foundation.
Research shows that anniversary reactions are very real. A study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry notes that grief can resurface with intense symptoms around meaningful dates, often mirroring the acute distress felt right after the loss (Zisook & Shear, 2009). Add in the hormonal changes of menopause—hot flashes, anxiety, brain fog—and it can feel like your body and emotions are betraying you at once.
Strategies for Navigating Grief During Menopause
While there’s no way to remove the pain of loss, there are tools that may help ease the double burden of grief and menopause:
Journaling: One thing that has really helped me is keeping a journal. I use it to write letters to Drew to share my thoughts, updates on our lives, and express my feelings. It has helped me through some of the lowest points in this grief journey.
Prioritize Stress Reduction: Gentle practices like meditation, yoga, and breathwork reduce cortisol and help calm the nervous system. My go-to for meditation is the Calm app. There are plenty of tools in this app that have helped me throughout this difficult time.
Lean on Community & Support: Our close friends and family were the key to helping us get through the initial days of our loss and have continued to provide support over these past years. I don't know how we would have made it through without them.
Seek Professional Guidance: With the right support—through grief counseling and medical care—the weight of grief can become a little easier to carry. We were able to connect with amazing counselors to help us through our journey. I also worked with my doctors to explore medication options that could support me in managing my increased anxiety.
Final Thoughts
Grief never fully leaves—it becomes part of who we are. For me, losing Drew has shaped every day of my life. And in menopause, when hormones shift and resilience feels low, that grief can feel even sharper.
But acknowledging the interplay between grief, hormones, and menopause is powerful. It means we can take steps to support both body and heart. And it means we don’t have to carry the weight in silence.
Sending love and strength to every woman navigating the waves of menopause while also carrying the weight of grief. Please know that you are not alone in this journey, your symptoms are real, and your grief is valid—every single day, and especially on those anniversaries that open the wound again.
References
Gordon, J. L., Eisenlohr-Moul, T. A., Rubinow, D. R., Schrubbe, L., & Girdler, S. S. (2016). Naturally Occurring Changes in Estradiol Concentrations in the Menopause Transition Predict Morning Cortisol and Negative Mood in Perimenopausal Depression. Clinical psychological science : a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, 4(5), 919–935. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702616647924
Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: what psychiatrists need to know. World psychiatry : official journal of the World Psychiatric Association (WPA), 8(2), 67–74. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2051-5545.2009.tb00217.x
